Since you dumped me in a text message a month ago, I shouldn't be surprised that the first time I hear form you is also via text.
"you hate me :("
The following is a list of ways I could have responded:
1. Not as much as I hate that emoticon.
2. Who is this?
3. I know you're drunk right now. If you'd like to have an actual conversation when you're sober, let me know. But I won't hold my breath because you're a coward and the chances of us ever talking about what happened are about as likely as me **having Jesse Williams' babies.
4. Hate is a strong word. I just really dislike you. (omg, so cliche)
5. Yes.
6. And?
7. I liked when you didn't talk to me. Keep doing that.
8. You're incredibly observant.
9. No, I don't. But thank you for making me a stronger person. (This one comes courtesy of my mother, who didn't realize how Christina Aguilera-y she was being.)
10. I'm busy hanging out with my dad at the concert we were supposed to attend together.
11. Also, this setlist is amazing.
Now, a list of ways I did respond:
1.
**Please God, let me have Jesse Williams' babies.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Monday, November 19, 2012
A list of the most heart breaking things
1. Realizing that you have to leave American permanently in 6 months after you've built a family and life here.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Modest achievements of an expat after 3 months in the U.S.
1. Writing this list
2. Surviving a hurricane
3. Having 2 oktoberfests in a row
4. Having 3 sleepless nights in the semester
5. Sleeping 14 hours after each
6. Winning a pizza roll eating contest
7. Losing weight after that
8. Living in the best hours with the best roommates
9. Starting "Leaves of grass"
10. Finishing it
11. Starting "A civil action"
12. NOT finishing it
13. Watching the movie instead
14. Wasting $255 on Starbucks
15. Losing my keys
16. Twice
17. Being far away from France
18. Watching Obama winning the election
19. Watching Eastwood talking to an empty chair
20. Mastering Gangam style dance
21. Op! Op! Op
22. Learning weird long island expressions
23. Walking down the street with $3,500 in cash
24. Being vomited upon
25. Dating the cutest girl
What else?
Frenchy
2. Surviving a hurricane
3. Having 2 oktoberfests in a row
4. Having 3 sleepless nights in the semester
5. Sleeping 14 hours after each
6. Winning a pizza roll eating contest
7. Losing weight after that
8. Living in the best hours with the best roommates
9. Starting "Leaves of grass"
10. Finishing it
11. Starting "A civil action"
12. NOT finishing it
13. Watching the movie instead
14. Wasting $255 on Starbucks
15. Losing my keys
16. Twice
17. Being far away from France
18. Watching Obama winning the election
19. Watching Eastwood talking to an empty chair
20. Mastering Gangam style dance
21. Op! Op! Op
22. Learning weird long island expressions
23. Walking down the street with $3,500 in cash
24. Being vomited upon
25. Dating the cutest girl
What else?
Frenchy
52 ways to avoid hardening of the categories: A program of personal experiments.
(Louis Cozolino, The Healthy Aging Brain)
1. Play with children whenever possible
2. Learn something new from someone new as often as you can
3. Make a list of goals for the next decade and keep track of your progress
4. Pick a good cause, learn as much as you can about it, and fight for it
5. Engage in public display of affection
6. Make sure your hearing and eyesight are working well and don't hesitate to get glasses or a hearing aid if you need them
7. Go to a new restaurant and eat something that sounds a little strange
8. Take unfamiliar routes to familiar places
9. Take familiar routes to unfamiliar places
10. Make up some new stories about your past
11. Try a week without television
12. Do something that everyone tells you that you're too old for
13. Identify a rut you've gotten into and climb out
14. Stay at a youth hostel and listen to what young adults have to say
15. If something makes you a little anxious, make sure to do it anyway
to be continued
1. Play with children whenever possible
2. Learn something new from someone new as often as you can
3. Make a list of goals for the next decade and keep track of your progress
4. Pick a good cause, learn as much as you can about it, and fight for it
5. Engage in public display of affection
6. Make sure your hearing and eyesight are working well and don't hesitate to get glasses or a hearing aid if you need them
7. Go to a new restaurant and eat something that sounds a little strange
8. Take unfamiliar routes to familiar places
9. Take familiar routes to unfamiliar places
10. Make up some new stories about your past
11. Try a week without television
12. Do something that everyone tells you that you're too old for
13. Identify a rut you've gotten into and climb out
14. Stay at a youth hostel and listen to what young adults have to say
15. If something makes you a little anxious, make sure to do it anyway
to be continued
Friday, November 2, 2012
A list of things I'm gonna need you to do now that we're no longer together...
1. Don't talk to me in public.
2. Definitely do not touch me in public.
3. Stop showing up on my Spotify feed.
4. The same goes for Twitter and Facebook.
5. Just stop using social medial altogether. That's my thing and defriending/unfollowing you isn't an option because it's immature and proves you win.
6. If you insist on using these mediums, at least come off as the total toolbag you are. I need more reasons to hate you besides the fact that you dumped me in a text message.
7. Move more than three hours away. Your ability to drive home at the drop of a hat has me living in a constant state of anxiety.
8. Tell people you dumped me so our mutual friends don't ask how you are. Making me tell them YOU got sick of me is super unfair.
9. Call me and tell me exactly why you dumped me so I stop thinking it's because you got sick of me. I'd just like a legit explanation. If you don't have one, then you're a bigger asshole than I thought.
10. If nothing else, call just to apologize.
11. Stop being physically attractive.
12. In a nutshell: drop off the face of the planet. I'm not asking you to die or anything, but if all reminders of you could just cease to exist, it would make my life a million times easier. I fell for you way too hard and the way you broke things off seemed entirely too easy. I'd actually prefer if you didn't call because I can't decide if I'd be mean (like I should be) or if I'd melt like I always did whenever I heard your voice. The complete 180 you did in the week leading up to our relationship's demise has me questioning every sweet thing you ever said or did. Did I mention they were the sweetest things anyone ever said to or did for me? Hence why getting over this four-month fling is proving incredibly difficult. You suck.
2. Definitely do not touch me in public.
3. Stop showing up on my Spotify feed.
4. The same goes for Twitter and Facebook.
5. Just stop using social medial altogether. That's my thing and defriending/unfollowing you isn't an option because it's immature and proves you win.
6. If you insist on using these mediums, at least come off as the total toolbag you are. I need more reasons to hate you besides the fact that you dumped me in a text message.
7. Move more than three hours away. Your ability to drive home at the drop of a hat has me living in a constant state of anxiety.
8. Tell people you dumped me so our mutual friends don't ask how you are. Making me tell them YOU got sick of me is super unfair.
9. Call me and tell me exactly why you dumped me so I stop thinking it's because you got sick of me. I'd just like a legit explanation. If you don't have one, then you're a bigger asshole than I thought.
10. If nothing else, call just to apologize.
11. Stop being physically attractive.
12. In a nutshell: drop off the face of the planet. I'm not asking you to die or anything, but if all reminders of you could just cease to exist, it would make my life a million times easier. I fell for you way too hard and the way you broke things off seemed entirely too easy. I'd actually prefer if you didn't call because I can't decide if I'd be mean (like I should be) or if I'd melt like I always did whenever I heard your voice. The complete 180 you did in the week leading up to our relationship's demise has me questioning every sweet thing you ever said or did. Did I mention they were the sweetest things anyone ever said to or did for me? Hence why getting over this four-month fling is proving incredibly difficult. You suck.
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